Field Guide to Church Fauna: Flits

The Flit (bounceinicus bounceouticus) is a reclusive creature, so hard to spot that some even doubt their existence. Possessing impeccable timing, these shy animals are able to arrive at the precise moment a worship service is beginning and disappear as soon as it is over (if not slightly before). Many regular observers of church services remain unaware of the existence of the Flit.

Capture of the Flit is almost impossible, even using food as bait. Force and coercion often prove equally ineffective, even the use of potent sprays like HeeBrooz 10-25. Masters of the excuse and the explanation, Flits can avoid all obligations and commitments. They refuse to be pinned down, fight against being fenced in.

Though relatively inoffensive, domestication of the Flit should be a goal of every congregation. As with many of the animals listed in this guide, love and comprehension are the principal tools in dealing effectively with these solitary creatures.

14 thoughts on “Field Guide to Church Fauna: Flits

  1. Mat 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

    Jhn 12:47 And if any man hear my words, and believe not, I judge him not: for I came not to judge the world, but to save the world.

    Let’s see, who was it that posted that? Oh yeah, the guys that spends all his time criticizing other people on the Internet…

  2. The Finger-Wagging Naysayer (pessimistus perpetua)
    The Frenzied Trendsuckers (bandwagonae jumponicus)
    The Blustery Sloth (blabbingus et boringus)
    The Flit (bounceinicus bounceouticus)

    And I spend my time critizing.! What do they call it, in grade school when one student has fun at the expence of others?

  3. Tell you what, Laymond. Do this for your own benefit. Go around and find the comments you’ve made on other people’s blogs. Count how many express encouragement, agreement, or anything of the sort. Then count how many times you’ve written to disagree, criticize, etc.

    I’ll be happy to compare ratios, my friend.

    Plus, if you happen to notice, I have stated more than once that these things apply to ME as much as to anyone else.

    Grace and peace,
    Tim Archer

  4. Tim, there is no need for me to do research on what you said, because it is definitely true. In my earthly life I worked at an engineering firm out of Midland Texas , I was hired to oversee drilling, completion, and production operations , in the oilpatch.
    I was accused of never seeing what the crews did right only what they did wrong. Like I told them, if I spend time going around patting everyone on the back for doing their job, I wouldn’t have time for anything else.

  5. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Ephesians 4:29)

    It’s not “patting on the back.” It’s called building others up. If you spent your time doing that, you might find that you didn’t have time for tearing others down.

    Grace and peace,
    Tim Archer

  6. Laymond, I’ll give you one more, then I’m done.

    Of the four “animals” I’ve identified, I consider myself having been guilty of each at one time or another in my life. In particular, I battle constantly with the “Blustery Sloth” in me. So, I’m critiquing myself and those I love.

    Grace and peace,
    Tim Archer

  7. Tim said “It’s not “patting on the back.” It’s called building others up. If you spent your time doing that, you might find that you didn’t have time for tearing others down.”

    Back in the oilpatch we called it warning others of what they were doing wrong, and maybe, savings someone’s life. (not eternal salvation, but an extension anyway.) But in religion, it could be eternal.

  8. I am just catching up, and I found this one particularly amusing. Especially your second paragraph: ‘using food as bait,’ ‘potent sprays like HeeBrooz 10-25.’ HA!!!

    This is one that doesn’t apply to me so much — though I wonder if brothers & sisters wish it did at least a little bit! :)

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